So, you might know me as the guy who’s insane enough to try to review every main show and PPV in the history of the WWE. Since that’s pretty much a neverending project, and taking my vast knowledge of everything bad in pro wrestling history into account, I figured I’d compile here, in no particular order, the worst storylines, feuds or general chicanery the WWE has ever done.
KATIE VICK
Yeah, let’s just shoot the elephant in the room.
One fateful day in 2002, Vincent Kennedy McMahon decided “Hey, you know what would be really cool? If Kane had a girlfriend who died in a car accident and then Triple Hmade fun of him by pretending to fuck her corpse”. Then it happened because Vince is stupid and nobody on his writing team cared by that point.
Also, Kane didn’t even win the feud after this, making this yet another chapter of the fabled Triple H Ruthless Aggression burial party.
LITTLE PEOPLE’S COURT (2009)
Okay, so Hornswoggle was fine as the guy who threw weapons to Finlay occasionally, but then Finlay turned face and the WWE decided he should be an exciting little leprechaun instead. This led to wonderful things like the Little People’s Court, where a 12 years past their prime and by this point completely unfunny D-Generation X goes under the ring to go to court for…something.
I guess making fun of Hornswoggle.
It’s not really clear because all of the little people speak in garble. This is quite possibly one of the most cringe-worthy segments in WWE history. Seriously, it was that bad. And, with that said…
DX REUNIONS (2006, 2009)
Hey, does anyone remember when Triple H used to be funny? Er…no, me neither, actually.
Yeah, that’s pretty much the problem with these DX reunions. Triple H himself. Every joke that comes out of his mouth is the most forced thing imaginable and it just sounds like the poor guy is having a mid-life crisis. Shawn Michaels was okay until he got tired of carrying the mess and decided to phone it in for the rest of the time.
And that’s not to mention that the point of their existence in 2009 was to put over Legacy and they ended up winning the feud anyway, whereas the point of their existence in 2006 seemed to be “make dick jokes and mildly annoy/beat up Vince McMahon.”
EDDIE VS. REY FOR CUSTODY OF DOMINICK
One day in 2005, Eddie Guerrero shocked the world by turning heel and busting Rey Mysterio‘s head open on some steel steps. This looked to be the makings of a nice and exciting feud. Eddie pounded Rey’s head into the ground with a steel chair at Judgment Day, and they had a fairly believable conflict (Eddie was jealous of Rey because Rey won at WM 21)… that is, until the buildup to SummerSlam started.
You see, Eddie had a “secret” that he was keeping from Rey. That secret turned out to be that Rey’s son, Dominic, was actually Eddie’s son. So, I shit you not, they hung some custody papers from the ceiling and had a ladder match to determine who gets custody of this child. This is one of many examples of the WWE turning promising feuds into nonsense.
EDGE VS. KANE (2010)
This is something that I don’t think a lot of people actually remember. For as fun to watch as Kane is, he sure has been in a lot of shit.
In this feud, Edge kidnaps Paul Bearer to annoy Kane. He also leaves a bunch of fake Paul Bearers to…again, annoy Kane. I really don’t see what else this could do. Eventually, Kane gets pissed and shoves what he thinks is one of the fake Paul Bearers off a roof. Turns out, it was the real Paul Bearer! Ha… ha… ha?
ANONYMOUS RAW GM (2010)
Meanwhile, on RAW, Bret Hart had just gotten his shit kicked in by the Nexus and now we need a new RAW General Manager. Vince doesn’t have an idea for anyone specific, so he just gets Michael Cole to read things off of a laptop. They hinted that it was Stone Cold Steve Austin once.
It probably wasn’t.
Hell, Vince probably never even had an idea for it. The anonymous GM continued to do things until around 2011 and then just… sort of disappeared. It also made a bunch of stupid cameos afterwards, including pointlessly appearing on a RAW in late 2014.
THE INVASION (2001)
Fun fact: Vince was actually planning on making WCW its own brand back when he bought the company. Yes, Nitro was going to be its own show, with presumably its own bookers. WCW could have continued as something great.
Unfortunately, most of the head people from WCW were contracted elsewhere already and a tryout between Booker T and Buff Bagwell failed miserably, so Vince instead decided to mercilessly bury every WCW talent constantly and just for shits and giggles made Stone Cold the head of the invasion. Yup, Steve Austin, the guy essentially responsible for killing WCW, was the head of the WCW faction.
Good job, boys.
VINCE MCMAHON DIES & HAS AN ILLEGITIMATE SON (2007)
One day on RAW, Vince McMahon stepped into his limo, which exploded. Yup, he’s dead now. In the land of kayfabe, Vince McMahon was dead for a few weeks.
Unfortunately, Chris Benoit actually dying in real life put a stop to that charade, forcing Vince to come out to the ring and awkwardly stumble his way through an apology for doing something so stupid. Apparently, he didn’t learn, since a year or so later it was announced that Vince has an illegitimate son. It was supposed to be Mr. Kennedy, but a wellness policy violation canned that idea. Instead, they copped out and threw Hornswoggle into the mix again.
So yeah, this is pretty much why some people hate wrestling. While all of the good stuff was incredible, a lot of the bad stuff was…horrendous, to say the least. I might do a Pt. 2 of this since there’s a lot to be covered, but for now I’m going to load up the WWE Network, re-watch WrestleMania 20 and pretend that none of this ever happened.
Listen, I didn’t mind either DX reunion. It made total business sense. The only problem I had with it was that they didn’t create any stars in the process. But that has more to do with Vince’s views on tag team wrestling than DX themselves.