Greetings.
We’re only days away from WrestleMania – the WWE’s biggest show of the year and this week I’ll offer my perspectives and candid comments on the show of shows.
WWE Championship: Bray Wyatt (c) vs. Randy Orton: It’s been said that it’s the journey not the destination that is what’s important in life and that applies in wrestling, as well. Having said that, it seems to me that the trek they’ve taken us on to bring this match to WM was unduly arduous and convoluted, with all kinds of potholes and detours on the highway to hell, including the recent nonsensical charade which had Randy being kidnapped and being taken to the burial site of Sister Abigail – the ostensible cult leader of the Wyatt Family, where he was abused by a bunch of jabroneys wearing sheep heads – none of which served to whet anybody’s appetite for their penultimate showdown this Sunday.
I don’t know about you, but if I wished to indulge in a bunch of esoteric horse shit like that, I’d just watch the Exorcist or the Shining or whatever. No knock on Bray or Randy – both of whom are second generation wrestlers who take pride in their craft, but having the iconic WWE world title – once proudly held by legends like Bruno, Backlund, Hogan, Macho Man, Stone Cold, HBK, the Rock and my brother Bret, being compromised by hokus pokus and childish bull crap like that is an insult. In any case, I figure that the Viper will probably come out on top – hopefully, without too many sheep heads and other metaphysical manifestations.
WWE Universal Championship: Goldberg (c) vs. Brock Lesnar: Based on the previous exceedingly short and not particularly satisfying matches between these two, I see no reason to get too excited about this one either. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a slap in the face to the many other hard-working WWE stars who regularly bust their asses and sacrifice their blood, sweat and tears on a regular basis to give the fans their money’s worth to have Goldberg (a retired WCW retread) and Lesnar (who’s primarily been a re-cycled former UFC project) headlining Wrestlemania – especially when neither one of them makes house shows or does much else other than cut promos and do cameos now and then.
I have no idea what the plan is here, but since the prevailing scuttlebutt is that Goldberg’s going elsewhere after Wrestlemania, I’d be inclined to put my money on the Beast. If Lesnar does, indeed, happen to go over, hopefully he’ll see fit to defend the damn title more than once or twice a year and, if and when he drops it, it will be done in the middle, with no strings attached and not entail him simply retiring it or losing it on some bogus pretext.
Roman Reigns vs. the Undertaker: Although I have a lot of regard for Roman and ‘Taker – both of whom are great workers and solid team players to the max, this match doesn’t really grab me, as there are no prevailing issues between them and their styles certainly don’t seem to complement each other that much, either. All things considered, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Taker go over, one more time.
On the other hand, as my dad used to say, “youth must be served” and, by that token, Roman probably deserves to be given the nod – if only because he’s on the regular roster and needs the win more than the Deadman does. If this does, in fact, prove to be Taker’s swan song, I’d like to thank him for the memories and commend him for a great career – happy trails to you, my friend
AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon: The pretext for having this match – as it’s been with Reigns and Taker, is pretty lame and not overly compelling. Regardless, I’m still eagerly looking forward to it, if only because AJ’s a great worker who seems to rise to the occasion when the chips are down. Ditto for Shane O’ Mac, who’s not really a prototypical wrestler, but does enough awe inspiring things, including his signature leaps of faith, to sustain and compel you. As for the outcome, I’m anticipating that, after a myriad of “holy shit” type high spots and whatever else, AJ will somehow emerge victorious here. I sincerely hope that neither one of them – especially Shane O’ Mac, gets injured in the process.
Fatal 4-Way for the WWE Raw Women’s Championship: Bayley (c) vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax: This match, from what I’m told, was originally slated to be a Triple Threat Match with Bayley, Charlotte and Sasha, but was changed at the last minute to include Nia. No knock on Nia, but I think that the Triple Threat with Bayley, Charlotte and Sasha probably would have been better without her, as the four way format compromises the whole charade and almost tends to make it into a half assed tag match. Even so, I think they’re all talented enough to have a pretty decent match. For some reason, I have a gut feeling that Charlotte will emerge victorious and to regain her title in this one, although any of them would be more than worthy champions.
WWE United States Championship: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Kevin Owens: I’m a big fan of both Chris and Kevin, however the lead up to this match – what with their contrived break up and all the subsequent bullshit leading up to this showdown has been decidedly lame and implausible. Given that Kevin is younger and still on his way up, while Jericho appears to be on the downside of his illustrious career, I’m looking for Owens to go over here in what should be a pretty good match.
John Cena & Nikki Bella vs. the Miz & Maryse: To be honest, I’m surprised that Cena – who’s still considered to be the so-called “face of the franchise”, being relegated to the undercard here, in a somewhat pointless and contrived novelty match such as this. It’s probably a good bet that John and Nikki will be going over here, but don’t expect it to be a five star match or anything close to it.
WWE Intercontinental Championship: Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Baron Corbin: Like the aforementioned Reigns/Undertaker match, this is another match that seems to be for no apparent reason, as there are no discernible issues between these two and from what I’ve seen, there’s not much synergy as far as their styles go either. Hopefully they’ll rise above all of that and have a decent match though. I have no idea what the ostensible plan might be here, but, all things considered, it wouldn’t surprise me to see Corbin get his hand raised.
WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship: Alexa Bliss (c) vs. All Available Women on the Roster: No offense to any of these so-called divas, but I can’t fathom why they’re even having this match, given the fact that they already have a women’s four way title match on an already overloaded, stacked card. Beyond that, this match tends to pale in comparison to the other women’s title match. About all I can hope is that they keep it short and to the point and don’t engage in too many over-choreographed high spots. I don’t have any gut feeling as to what might transpire in this one, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see them put the SD title back on Becky.
WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Neville (c) vs. Austin Aries: This match has the potential to be one of the best matches on the card – from a purely athletic perspective, as both are terrific workers at the top of their game. Since Neville has just been starting to really get over with the Cruiserweight belt, it would seem to be “what’s best for business” if he were to go over here.
WWE Raw Tag Team Championships: Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows (c) vs. Sheamus & Cesaro vs. Enzo Amore and Big Cass: Although all three of these teams are pretty good, for whatever reason, I’m not all that excited about this match, as their styles don’t really complement each other’s, nor are there any particularly compelling storylines, going in. It seems likely that Gallows and Anderson will retain their titles, but I could conceivably see Cass and Enzo get their hands raised, as they’ve paid their dues and might be the ones to help re-vitalize the once vibrant tag team division in the WWE, which has fallen on hard times in recent years.
Triple H vs. Seth Rollins: Although the lead up to this match – with Hunter bludgeoning the injured Rollins with his crutch and all the over the top promos, innuendos, ultimatums and all the other has been tedious and predictable, I, nonetheless, expect this to be a pretty good match. In the past, both the Game and Rollins have shown a propensity for being able to rise to the occasion when the chips are down.
If I was calling the shot here, I’d probably have Hunter go over – on some hot but not too contrived finish, perhaps taking advantage of the fact that Seth’s coming back from a serious knee injury. I’d, of course, be endeavouring to set the stage leave for a big return match, perhaps at Summer Slam – which could be “YUGE”, as WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump might say.
The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal: Andre the Giant worked on many an occasion in my dad’s Stampede Wrestling promotion and also was one of the biggest stars for Vince McMahon Sr’s WWWF promotion (the forerunner of the WWF), back in the day. Not only was Andre one of the biggest drawing cards in the history of our business, but he was one the most beloved and respected wrestlers our business has ever seen. When the WWE first announced a few years ago that it was planning to honor Andre with a battle royal to be held each year at Wrestlemania, I thought it was a nice way to pay respect to him. Since its inception though, the Andre Battle Royal has become nothing more than a dumping ground for all the undercard jabroneys, washed up has-beens and nondescripts who don’t seem to already have a partner for the big dance. As such, it’s become more of an insult than a tribute to Andre, which is kind of sad.
Not to be telling the powers that be in Titan Tower how to be running their business, but to my way of thinking, if they really wanted to honor Andre properly, they should perhaps rename the Royal Rumble in his honor, or maybe have a separate pay per view with the battle royal format, in his name, which features all the top stars in the promotion, not the lesser lights.
Having said that and not that anybody really cares that much about this whole charade, I’d be surprised if Brawn Strowman didn’t go over here, although Luke Harper or Big Show could be alternative candidates. Whatever happens, I hope they keep it pretty straightforward and that it doesn’t drag on too long or have too much contrived crap associated with it.
On that note, I’ll call it a wrap. Hopefully Wrestlemania will exceed my expectations and prove to be a memorable ass-kicker of show that you, the fans, thoroughly enjoy.
We’ll see.
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