PWP’s Joshua Gibbs previews WWE’s final pay-per-view of the year, TLC.
Gather round children, Uncle Josh has a tale from WWE past.
There used to be a time when go-home shows were all the rage. Oh yes, these were the shows we looked forward to most because it was the last chance to really get us amped up for an epic confrontation. Feuds were clearly defined. Battle lines were drawn. We knew exactly why Wrestler X was fighting Wrestler Y and we couldn’t wait to see them finally get their hands on each other after an appropriately satisfying build-up. Alas, those days are gone. Today, we suffer through confusing booking decisions and questionable matches that appear seemingly out of nowhere and end just as quickly.
It is said that on cold Monday nights if you listen very close, you can still here J.R.’s iconic southern drawl echo on the wind; “BY…GAWD…THEY…KEELED…EM.”
The go-home show should be the mouth-watering appetizer served before the main dish, its function being more anticipation of what is to come than satisfaction. It should leave you wanting more. This past Monday night, we were given cold soup.
But hey, matches are happening this Sunday so let’s talk about them:
Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Jack Swagger
Chairs Match for the WWE United States Championship
Jack Swagger and his awful haircut came back recently and started feuding with Alberto Del Rio, I assume out of jealousy. “Hey Del Rio, you stole my xenophobic racist gimmick and I want it back!”
Swagger even attempted a somewhat emotional plea to Yosemite Colter begging for them to be besties again so they could go back to talking about how foreigners are bad. Swagger was rushed onto TV because there was no one else (who is healthy anyways) who would have legitimate beef with either Del Rio or Zeb. So here we are with a title match that isn’t really about the title at all since Zeb’s Trump-like fascism seems to be the coveted prize. But given Del Rio’s recent falling out with Zeb, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him rise from his chair and help out Swagger, albeit in a futile attempt. It should be noted that the aforementioned “falling out” occurred – literally – because Del Rio tripped over Zeb’s power scooter. That’s it.
The WWE seems to be all in with the horrible League of Nations faction so I don’t see any reason why they would strip Del Rio of the title. Not only that, but what exactly would Swagger do as U.S. Champion? His momentum is approximately zero.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio
Team ECW (The Dudley Boyz, Rhyno & Tommy Dreamer) vs. The Wyatt Family
Elimination Tables Match
I have high hopes for this match, despite the WWE doing everything they can to temper my expectations.
The Wyatt Family desperately need a pay-per-view win if anyone is going to take them seriously. At this point, they are little more than 3MB with more facial hair. The confusing lose on a PPV/win on RAW formula has been a recipe for disaster and cuts the legs off anything the Wyatt’s try to get off the ground. You can’t keep talking about how evil and destructive you are and then lose when it matters most. Unfortunately for fans of the good old days, this victory will have to come at the expense of some geriatric fan favorites. I expect the ECW guys to put up a good fight but the Wyatt’s are simply too much to handle this time.
I also need to point out that Tommy Dreamer is the oldest member of the ECW team; he’s 44 years old. Luke Harper is the oldest member of the Wyatt Family; he’s 35.
So there’s that.
WINNERS: The Wyatt Family
Charlotte (c) vs. Paige
WWE Divas Championship
Remember when Paige was a heel and Charlotte was a face, you know, two weeks ago?
Well if you suffered through RAW this past Monday you know that Ric Flair‘s daughter went full villain during her stint on Miz TV. Wearing all black? Check. Berating the host? Check. Flaunting wealth in the form of her Rolex watch? Check. So that means Paige is the good gal, right? Well, not exactly. She’s still a heel…and so is Charlotte…and now my head hurts.
Paige and Charlotte have worked some decent matches in the past and this one has the potential to do the same. The Divas Division doesn’t get a lot of love from the fans because they haven’t been given a reason to care. There is so much potential coming up from NXT and even some great female wrestlers in WWE right now but they are locked in horrible bookings or overshadowed by terrible superstars with more tenure. I’m looking at you, Bella Twins.
I think this is the night where WWE can get a grip on these two as far as where they want to go from here in the storyline. Establish Paige as a solid face, Charlotte as a solid heel and move forward. We know that Ric will be in his daughter’s corner and he’s certainly not above helping her get a victory. Hell, the man got into the Hall of Face twice by playing dirty so it obviously pays off.
Keeping that in mind, Charlotte retains.
WINNER: Charlotte aka Ric Flair’s daughter
The New Day (c) vs. The Usos vs. The Lucha Dragons
Triple Threat Ladder Match for the WWE World Tag Team Championships
I find it strange that on a TLC event this match will only feature ladders, but I should be thankful because this match has so much potential. People forget that Kofi Kingston had some fantastic ladder matches before he was thrown into mid-card purgatory and finally struck gold in the New Day.
His “OMG” moment ability is still there.
The inclusion of the Lucha Dragons makes this match one of the most interesting because it not only adds the potential for some great bumps but there is also some inherent unpredictability with the outcome. I could see any one of these teams emerging victorious and it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. You know, like Sheamus winning the WWE Heavyweight Championship.
While I wouldn’t mind seeing a new tag team crowned as champion I simply hope it’s not The Usos simply because they’ve been there before. If you’re going to strip The New Day at least give some love to the Lucha Dragons.
However, I cannot root against the best thing that WWE has going for them.
WINNER: The New Day
Kevin Owens (c) vs. Dean Ambrose
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Many fans love Kevin Owens but I can’t help but think that most of these feelings are aftershocks from his feud with John Cena. Since his sacrifice upon the altar of HUSTLE-LOYALTY-RESPECT, Owens has been a solid mid-card guy and was rewarded with the Intercontinental belt. Whether you want to admit this or not, Owens’ first two matches with Cena have yet to be duplicated in any capacity. At least one of them will most certainly win a Slammy, if not multiple Slammys.
But since then, his matches have been mostly vanilla with some great mic work thrown in just to keep us interested. We know that Owens can wrestle but I’m still waiting for another surprising match that even comes close to what he did with Cena.
While the match itself is compelling because of the people involved, this feud hasn’t had nearly enough time to grow into anything close to interesting. Sprinkle in the childish antics that now pass for feud heat these days and you get a match-up that seems thrown together rather than evolved. And what was in that soda cup that Ambrose threw in Owens’ face? Acid? Why didn’t Owens just crawl through the ropes and put a beat down on Dean Ambrose for such a blatant show of disrespect? Remember how they built up Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar? These guys had a brawl that lasted almost 30 minutes, emptied the entire locker room and even spilled into the backstage area. And that was on just RAW.
I miss the days of the strong heel and the WWE has been without one for a long time. I miss guys like CM Punk or Triple H, who would talk trash and then when someone came down to confront them he would beat them (fairly or not) and then talk more trash. They were insufferable and hated but at least they didn’t back down from a fight. No, Lesnar doesn’t count because he was part-time and rarely spoke. This Intercontinental Title match could be the moment where both Owens and Ambrose showcase what they can really do inside the ring or it could be another paint by numbers display. I know fans are all in with Owens but the company is high on Ambrose and I won’t be shocked when the belt changes hands. My biggest fear is that despite what the fans think, Owens will eventually fall victim to the 50/50 club.
WINNER: Dean Ambrose
Sheamus (c) vs. Roman Reigns
Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
I can’t remember the last time I was so uninterested in a main event. This is the most prestigious title in the company and when defended, it should be center stage. This is the match you take bathroom breaks before because you can’t fathom the idea of missing a single second of on-screen action. This match could be settled on Smackdown and have just as much excitement.
Fans are still bitter about the ending to Survivor Series and rightfully so even though we understand the twisted Sophie’s Choice the WWE is currently pushing. See, you’re gonna HATE Sheamus as champ so much that you’ll inevitably root for Roman Reigns because he’s the only guy on the roster who can stand up to him. At least that’s what WWE is counting on; if you won’t cheer for Reigns on your own then we’ll force you. It’s part of the reason why fans have been so down in the dump with the product. Fans don’t like being told who to cheer for and if the WWE plan is to pull a Jedi mind trick then they at least have to make us believe we made that choice on our own.
I’ve never been a fan of Sheamus because I think he’s slow and boring which is also a pretty good metaphor about his title reign. For reasons unknown, the WWE pushed him into the top spot and I don’t see this feud ending at TLC. With so many injuries, they have to keep this train rolling into 2016 in order to set up what we can only hope is an epic card for WrestleMania 32.
The worst thing they can do is have this match end in a DQ because of involvement from the League of Nations. Oh no…they don’t read these, do they?
WINNER: Sheamus
That’s all for me folks.