The Undertaker: Sunset on Death Valley

Josh.O gives his candid thoughts on the career of The Undertaker and the path that it may be taking in the future.

The Undertaker has said that he has no plans to retire at or before WrestleMania 32 next year. Many fans have pointed to the Texas location being a sign of his swan song (the event is being held in Arlington and he’s from Houston – a quick 4 hour drive) but the geography apparently has no bearing on his future plans. It’s more about how he feels, which by all reasonable expectations should be like a seasoned crash test dummy on the verge of being unserviceable.

I think the Dead Man should retire, but not for the reasons you may imagine.

Beginning his WWE career in 1990 as Kane, The Undertaker, his first name was quickly dropped simply because saying “Kane, the Undertaker” every time he did something significant took up too much time.

Professional Wrestling has been described as a male soap opera, and The Undertaker has been involved in some of the most soap opera-esque storylines of all time. The most notable storyline would have to involve the introduction of his badly burned half-brother Kane, who was supposedly injured in the fire that Undertaker started which killed their parents. Such a detailed and sinister back story was rare even by WWE standards and served the dual purpose of portraying Undertaker as a remorseless monster with no regard for human life and gave Kane the clout to legitimately stand toe-to-toe with such a monster.

Simply pitting Undertaker against another big man wouldn’t have sold the story and said big man would easily have been squashed and forgotten. But here was a survivor of his wrath, physically deformed yet seemingly back from the dead and bent on revenge. It was masterful storytelling and Paul Bearer‘s completely insane and over-the-top personality helped to sell the build-up and payoff of the “dark secret” from Undertaker’s past. From these evil seeds would grow not only one of the most personal rivalries in WWE history but also give rise to one of the most dominant tag teams ever to compete in the squared circle.

The Undertaker is the Clint Eastwood of professional wrestling, being forever linked to the genre in the same way Eastwood is to westerns.

The Good

Over the last two decades, the Master of Pain has been involved in almost every type of match the WWE has to offer and he even helped to create or popularize some new matches:

• He competed in the first Boiler Room Brawl which were popular segments during the Attitude Era
• He fought in all five Buried Alive matches, of which he won two.
• He helped revive the Casket Match, a type fought in the 1970s but known as a Coffin Match. The Undertaker’s persona lent itself perfectly to such a gimmick.
• He was in the first Hell in the Cell match and as of the date of this article has competed in 12 total, including one of the most infamous matches in professional wrestling lore.

I submit that there are three defining moments in professional wrestling history that stand out above all others, each one being representative of their respective era:

1. Hulk Hogan body-slamming Andre the Giant at WrestleMania 3 represents The Golden Age. The two biggest stars of the day competed in front of a record crowd and in the end, the underdog took down the giant. Children were inspired and parents cheered for the American hero overcoming all odds against the foreign giant.
2. Brock Lesnar pinning and thus ending The Undertaker’s undefeated streak at WrestleMania 30 represents the Internet (modern) Era. A seemingly unbreakable record was shattered and no one saw it was coming. In a time where information and spoilers are accessible at the speed of thought this result still managed to shock and surprise us all.
3. The third is Undertaker throwing Mick Foley from the top of the 16 foot cage at King of the Ring in 1998, representing all that was best about The Attitude Era. The footage of Foley’s fall has since become one of the most replayed videos in WWE history. Opponents of professional wrestling used the image of a battered and bloodied Foley as evidence that WWE was glorifying and promoting violence while fans viewed the incident as proof that the wrestlers in WWE (and Foley in particular) were fearless combatants who would stop at nothing to put on a good show, even at the expense of their own personal safety.

With a career lasting over two decades, even the Lord of Darkness makes some questionable decisions.

• He appeared alongside Hulk Hogan in the 1991 family comedy, Suburban Commando.
• He used the Limp Bizkit song “Rollin” as his entrance music during the Biker ‘Taker phase. He was known as the “American Bad Ass”, thereby combining two horrific music artists of the day into one terrible gimmick.
• He had a tattoo of his second wife’s name (Sara) on his throat, which has since been covered up post-divorce and undoubtedly pre-marriage to current wife, Michelle McCool.
• He was also involved in one of the most hackneyed storylines the WWE ever concocted. The “kidnapping” of Stephanie McMahon was a storyline which took such a monumentally stupid twist that I actually considered writing to the WWE and demanding to know the names of each writer responsible.In a nutshell, The Deadman planned to somehow take control of the WWE by marrying Stephanie which forced Vince to team up with hated rival and blue collar superhero Stone Cold Steve Austin. I had no problem with the premise of a forced alliance against a common enemy, but the entire storyline went Wisconsin when Steph was shown in a limo and as the privacy glass lowered, Undertaker is revealed as the driver. He turns and says in a most comic book-villain voice, “Where to, Stephanie?!” before driving off with her screaming in the back. The WWE might as well have put BWAHAHA!! in a tiny cartoon bubble over the limo.

The Ugly

Big Evil’s distorted skeleton is undoubtedly held together by a combination of screws, pins, duct tape and gorilla glue. His list of injuries reads like a battlefield report from the civil war:

• Hip replacement and hip surgery on separate occasions. Hip injuries are the first major indicator that an athletes’ time may be drawing to a close because every movement stems from your hips.
• Multiple facial injuries (broken cheek, broken orbital, etc). An unavoidable injury
  in a sport where you pretend to get hit in the face a lot.
• Pyrotechnic burns. When your entrance involves a lot of fire, this is also an inevitability.
• Other miscellaneous ailments that include but are not limited to a broken ankle, torn groin, chest muscle tear, and shoulder surgery.

The Undertaker stands (literally and figuratively) atop the WWE pecking order and casts such a long shadow that it envelops the entirety of the roster. So long as he is an active member of the WWE roster, the corporate suits will use him as a crutch to lean on when times are tough because he is a proven and reliable draw.

Make no mistake, The Deadman and Brock Lesnar headlining Hell in a Cell next month is no accident. This booking is the direct result of another walking fossil succumbing to injury (Sting at Night of Champions) and WWE losing money on two fronts: slumping subscriptions for the WWE Network and a decline in ratings for Monday Night Raw thanks to the return of Monday Night Football. As of July 2015, the amount of subscribers for the WWE Network was 1.1 million. While not to be dismissed, this total
marks a 13 % decrease from the 1.3 million paid subscribers that was reported in the first quarter of 2015.

The hardest thing for the aging athlete to accept is when it’s time to hang up the boots, take off the armor and stay away from the arena. The thrill of competition and the adrenaline rush upon hearing thousands of people cheer for you has to be one of the most potent and delicate addictions in the world.

Some competitors are forced into retirement long before their prime and others overstay their welcome. The Undertaker is in a unique position because he can still put on a solid performance…sometimes…but this is never a guarantee when he steps into the ring. When his entrance bell tolls, I’m never sure if this will be the sign of something great or the confirmation of what I already know to be true.

The always entertaining and introspective Diamond Dallas Paige was a guest on Bill Apter’s podcast last week, and he spoke very candidly about competing in the WWE:

“Every time we go in that ring, we leave a little piece of our body in there.”

Mark Callaway has been leaving pieces of his body in the ring since 1990. The time will come soon when he has no more pieces left to give.

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